Ancient Plains and Mythical Yogurt

This story starts with a young lady, named Izzy Alligator. Something to get out of the way about Izzy, is that she legally changed her name, because alliteration in animal names is too mainstream. Also, if it wasn’t already obvious, she is a hipster. She doesn’t like looking like other alligators, because of that she dyed her spines a very nice pale lavender colour and pierced her nose. She would have pierced her tongue, but sadly, she doesn’t have one. Damn alligator anatomy! Izzy is a vegetarian, nobody knows how she gets any sustenance. Some things are better left to the imagination. Finally, to top off how weird this excuse for an alligator is, she doesn’t even make the hissing noise that alligators usually do, she chuffs, like a tiger. She claims it’s better for her vocal chords.

On Tuesday, February 30th 2016, Izzy was in a very bad mood. She was making her way downtown, swimming fast, faces pass, and she’s home bound. Heading down the mainstream. She always hated the mainstream. Everybody knew, because she made it very clear that she hated the mainstream. Typical hipsters. The mainstream was pretty terrible though, it was filthy brown water, with mud everywhere. There weren’t any trees surrounding the mainstream, it was just fields of dried up brown grass. So boring.  Actually, Izzy wasn’t going home. Izzy had caught wind of a mysterious, mythical, mystifying, edible substance that was, apparently, a vegetarian’s best friend. It was called The Yogurt. Of course, being a vegetarian, Izzy’s interest was immediately sparked. She would find this Yogurt, even if it was the last thing she did.

With Izzy’s extreme willpower, she set off in search of The Yogurt. However, this meant leaving the mainstream, which she was happy to do. She found a trail that looked like it hadn’t been walked by anything for a long time, and she decided to start down the path less traveled, literally. After a while, Izzy lost sight of the mainstream and the terrain she was trekking got progressively more barren and flat, and the sky turned a solid grey as if urging her to turn around, but she refused to falter. The plains looked as if nobody had been anywhere near them for a very long time. She desperately hoped she was headed in the right direction, but a small voice in her head told her to keep going.

Eventually, Izzy came across footprints going in the same direction that she was headed. She looked up and saw a lone hippopotamus in the distance moving at a snail’s pace. After a short while, Izzy caught up to the hippo and the first thing she noticed was the determination on the hippo’s face. The determination was so great that she didn’t even acknowledge Izzy’s presence. When the hippo did finally notice Izzy, it let out a shrill girly screech and jumped several feet away from Izzy. “I’m not going to hurt you!” yelled Izzy, as she tried to ease the hippo’s fear. After several minutes of them yelling at each other, both of them calmed down enough to introduce themselves. The hippo’s name was Fredrika. She looked like a normal hippo, however, she frequently alluded to how much she liked Izzy’s spines and piercing. The more they talked, the more they connected, not only were they both hipsters, but both of them were after The Yogurt.

The two of them happily came to the conclusion that they should work together to find The Yogurt. They continued on their quest to find The Yogurt, all the while Fredrika made friendly conversation. She started with the fact that she was glad that Izzy was headed the same way, because she was absolutely positive that The Yogurt was in the direction they were headed. She suspected that she heard an echoing, “Moo,” originating from what must have been The Yogurt. She also mentioned that she heard the bleat of a goat coming from another direction, but  it was probably The Greek Yogurt, and was an adventure best saved for another day. Izzy loved the fact that Fredrika knew of The Yogurt, for she had never met anyone who had heard of The Yogurt, and now she had someone who was looking for it with her! She didn’t have words for how happy she was. Fredrika, on the other hand, thought she wasn’t going to be able to continue looking for The Yogurt, but with Izzy by her side, she had a skip in her step again, and new motivation for finding The Yogurt.

The day was coming to a close on their adventure, but they refused to delay their trek. After all, there was no shelter on the plains, and neither of them knew if anything dangerous lurked around at night, so they persisted. Despite their efforts to stay awake, their eyelids grew heavy and their pace gradually slowed to a halt. The two collapsed on the cold, hard ground. Their willpower had failed them as they started to fall asleep.

Their sleep didn’t last long, as they were woken by the ground shaking violently. The two of them stood up but struggled to keep their footing. The shaking grew more and more intense, until the ground in front of them broke open, white light and a loud resonating, “Moo,” came from the fissure. Izzy and Fredrika shielded their eyes as best they could. When they looked again, their eyes went wide, it seemed as though a giant tub of Yogurt had risen from the fissure. The tub was at least ten metres tall. It towered over them. “Congratulations, young ones for finding me,” said a loud booming voice. It took Izzy and Fredrika a second to realize that the voice was coming from The Yogurt, “but sadly children, there can be only one.”

“Only one what?” Exclaimed Fredrika.

“Only one who can eat me.” Replied The Yogurt.

Izzy looked at Fredrika and smiled. They turned back to The Yogurt and yelled in unison, “Fine!” Then, they turned to each other, and kissed. A bright light enveloped them, and what sounded like a cat being tortured reverberated in the light. The result was a combination of Fredrika and Izzy. A mash up of alligator and hippo body parts with both Izzy’s and Fredrika’s head attached  to one body. At last, they ate, and enjoyed The Yogurt, together.